I always wonder how it would be like if I have the ability to think like I blink my eyes. Would I understand concepts more easily? Or would I be more creative and articulate in expressing my own opinions? Or would I be more analytic and precise?
That is the secret of human mind which neurologists try to discover. However, it may not be impossible. I've just read a Horrible Science book from HML and it tells about a type of very rare disease (I forget the name) which can make the sufferer unable to forget. Sudden inspiration came to me as I tried hard to imagine scuh condition. I could simply skim thousands of textbooks pages then in an aeon I could memorize all. It would beenfit me to do some exams. Nonetheless, what would I think when I could forget nothing? Maybe I would also be a madman. I couldn't forget my own mistakes. I couldn't stop regretting about things that have passed so long ago. I would also always remember the mistakes that my friends have done. I couldn't forget my dreadful dreams. Then, what is the benefit?
Odd or not, the best way to live this life for me is to be an ordinary human. It doesn't mean that I'm lack of ambitions and intentions to improve myself. However, to overcome the human flaws is to become non-human, which will contradict your existence as a human. I have to be surprised do many times to read articles that say that the great people such as Einstein, Newton, Van Gogh, Beethoven etc. had mental illness, from bipolar disorder to OCD. Strangely, the unstability of their mental condition caused them to think out of the box and break the old concepts with their new, original concepts.
It's hard to believe that Einstein is mentally unsound like many people depict with his photograph that exhibit his tongue. Those psychologists must have their own definition of being mentally 'normal'. Are those great people assessed as ill because of their super abilities? Those great people may have exceeded the boundary of 'normality' and become 'overmen' (using Nietzsche's terms). To be beyond normal is to be abnormal, maybe.
Well, let's go away from my personal opinion. I have a lot of things to do for the next 2 weeks and it involves tons of school projects that eat my time until I have little time to read all the book that I've borrowed (and planned to borrow) from HML. Besides, I have been doing jobs for HML as my punishment for using a computer without booking first. Well, the job turns to be interesting to me. I felt jubilant when I arranged and tidied books in each HML's bookshelves. Strange? Not for me, personally. I felt that I was mending and conceptualizing many things while I was placing those books in order. Moreover, I can read newspaper more thoroughly when I'm not working, so I can analyze the current events more patiently. I'm looking for being a librarian now.
I also miss those CCT days. I really feel that I was more focused and determined to study when there are things ahead. Those lessons still reveberate in my mind right now. They tickle my curiosity to explore more about the topics, especially the Biology and Physics, by reading more resources. Well, from those CCT results, I learn the most fatal weakness that I have. Ignorance!! I keep making small mistakes in my calculation and losing marks because of this. And those small mistakes occur in every number of the CCT that demands careful calculations!
What makes it odder is the fact that I barely make small mistakes at all when I'm working normal assignements or excercises in the class. It seems like something interferes my mind to work well and precise when I'm doing important tests such as CCTs. It haunts and bothers me. I'm really seeking for the solutions right now. It's definitely not okay if you have prepared well then you receive rather disappointing results not because you're liable, but because your ability suddenly drops far when you're doing the tests.
I reckon that scoring well is about answering the questions besides ther readiness and the skills that you have acquired. If you don't answer correctly, than no matter how professional you're in that area, you have the chance to slip down to the chaos.